The Most Important Lesson I've Learned From Successful Women

There’s no arguing that we live in a digital world. From TikTok rants to latte art Instagram stories to long Facebook updates from our families, we are constantly tuned in on multiple different platforms. While this can be a good thing (shoutout to FaceTime for sponsoring long-distance relationships), having constant notifications on our phones can also take its toll on our mental health. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good IG story, and I spend more time than I care to admit watching cute otter videos on TikTok; however, when I see good news come up in my feed, whether it be someone I know or a random high schooler getting into Yale, I notice a shift in my emotions that can only be described as envy.

I graduated with a degree in music theatre because I love performing and sharing stories, so why am I jealous of my friend who just got promoted at her 9 to 5 in finance? And why did I feel the need to one-up her? Not only was I confused as to why I wasn’t happy for her, but I felt ashamed that I was so desperate for attention that I was grasping to make up a success of my own to share. I knew I needed to make a shift, and I noticed a pattern in the successful women around me: They all succeed in silence. Here’s why it’s the most important lesson I’ve learned from successful women.

Why Succeeding in Silence is The Most Crucial Lesson I’ve Learned from Successful Women

Succeeding in silence isn’t meant to diminish your accomplishments or isolate you from your support system; rather, it helps you protect your peace and ensure you’re working toward your accomplishments for the right reasons. The days of working your way up the corporate ladder because it’s “what you’re supposed to do” or applying to law school to make your parents happy are over. Succeeding in silence is as much about keeping a low profile as it is working towards something you alone actually want to achieve.

I know “succeed in silence” sounds like something your mother might tell you at the kitchen table because she thinks you’re gloating too much, but this mentality can keep you safe from a rollercoaster of emotions. Whether you’re like me and tend to see everything as a competition or struggle with imposter syndrome and feel like you need others to validate your accomplishments, choosing to refrain from sharing your success can actually help you gain internal peace and pride in your work.

When I stopped posting every update and achievement online, I gained so much clarity. I no longer chase outside validation and instead do the things I’m truly passionate about. Remember, your achievements are still achievements regardless of whether you announce them to the world or not—they don’t need to be displayed on social media to be valid.

Remember, your achievements are still achievements regardless of whether you announce them to the world or not—they don’t need to be displayed on social media to be valid.

How You Can Practice Succeeding in Silence

If you find yourself getting caught in the comparison trap that is your social media feeds, adopting a “succeed in silence” mentality might be the secret to kicking those feelings of imposter syndrome and inadequacy to the curb for good. If you’re not sure how to actually do this, years of practicing this mindset have made me somewhat of an expert. My best tips for succeeding in silence below:

1. Don’t post every single life update

We all have that one person we compare ourselves to, no matter how hard we try. Even with Instagram’s mute feature, we still somehow end up hearing about all the amazing things they’re doing and accomplishing and feeling like failures ourselves. While you might think posting more about what you’ve been up to will stop you from feeling insignificant, it will actually do the opposite because you’re posting to keep up with or outdo someone else. It might seem like the unnatural thing to do, but going incognito will allow you to refocus all the time and energy spent worrying about what they’re up to on yourself, ultimately helping you achieve your goals faster. Don’t feel like you need to advertise your plans and progress to everyone for them to be valid—your goals are valid because they’re important to you.

2. Focus on celebrating rather than sharing your accomplishments

Let me make it so clear that I am the biggest advocate for celebrating the little moments in life. You don’t need to win a Nobel Peace Prize to deserve recognition for your accomplishments. However, there is a difference between celebrating success and sharing success, especially on social media.

You can celebrate without seeking validation from your followers, especially if that’s something that’s caused you stress in the past. Perhaps you order take-out instead of cooking dinner to celebrate a big win at work; treat yourself to your favorite fruit at the farmer’s market because you crossed a mini-milestone in that side project you’re working on. Or, if it’s a big win, you finally pull the plug and book that trip to Spain. Whatever and however you celebrate it, the joy will last longer than the dopamine rush from your follower’s words of affirmation.

3. Delete the apps

OK, raise your hand if you get a jump scare when you see your weekly screen time report. It’s me, I’m raising my hand. When I was at the peak of using competition to mask my self-doubt, instead of deleting social media, I just turned off the screen time notifications. This ultimately agitated my anxiety even further and made me become a person I didn’t want to be.

Eventually, I came to my senses and realized that 90 percent of the negativity I felt day-to-day came from social media, and I realized the quickest fix was not unfollowing people or muting them but rather just going cold turkey and deleting the apps. Like I said before, we live in a digital world and social media can be an exceptional tool, especially for small businesses and creatives, but if you’re using it to try to feel better about yourself, the only way to actually do that is to stop sweeping things under the rug and finally come to terms with where your insecurity is ultimately stemming from.

This doesn’t mean you have to be incognito forever; Instagram can come and go from your home screen as it needs to. If you follow me, you know I LOVE a good Instagram story and reel; however, whenever I sense social media is doing more harm than good, I just delete the apps. Deleting social media is like listening to your body about food—if gluten hurts your tummy, you stop consuming it, so if social media is hurting your soul, stop consuming it.